Approach Anxiety
by Dorothy Marx
How on earth do you approach?
You know that feeling you get when you see a pretty girl? Your stomach jumps into your throat, heart starts racing, flop sweat. Oh yeah, there you are, holding your mimosa at chest level cause you’re a champ and you’ve got it like that. Somewhere in the back of your mind you hear the words of the immortal Mystery,
3 SECOND RULE: Once you see a girl, you have three seconds to approach or you’ve already blown the set.
The fourth second ticks on. Shit. Maybe there is still hope!
Thirty seconds of intense staring, hoping she will sense your psychic vibes and blow you right there in the bar, and suddenly that guy walks up. He hands her a drink, she starts laughing and twirling her hair, everyone in her group seems to know him. Good thing I didn’t approach her, you think to yourself, that must be her boyfriend and golly would it have been awkward for me when he would have walked up and saw me gaming her!
I’m not sure if you’ve put this together yet but…
You are kind of a wuss.
If you spend your whole night running Anti-Social Over Think My Approaches Game you will never get laid. (Shower & Ignore Game, on the other hand….)
Approach Anxiety is usually everyone’s big hang-up with game. They find the hardest part of talking to a girl is the initial confrontation. What if she doesn’t like you, or you run out of things to say? What if she calls out your canned gab and you get shut down? What if she turns you down?
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I’ll tell you what: Fuck her, she’s a bitch anyway. Now move on.
I’m going to give you some tips that help me with approach anxiety and how I got over it, but you have to understand that nothing I write can make you approach. It is something you have to determine to do yourself, and until you start doing it you aren’t going to get anywhere. You can’t run Social Circle Game and expect to get laid. Expand yourself! So here are some tips for getting over your approach anxiety:
Don’t drink.
If you think you can get courage from a “courage shot” of Aristocrap, you are wrong. You’re worried that words are going to come out wrong, that you’ll run out of things to say, that in general she wont jive with you. You are absolutely right, those things will happen – now imagine how much worse its going to be with you drunk! Which brings me to…
Don’t worry.
She is more than likely going to not understand what you’re trying to say. Especially if this is one of your first few approaches. There will come a point where you don’t know how to transition to another topic, where you forget how to segue into a routine, or – whats worse – you forget the rest of the routine you’re currently running! These things are likely to happen to you when you’re new to the game, and they still happen to the pros. I promise you, even the guys that have been doing this for decades still run into a bad set every once and again. Shit just happens. Accept that.
Close your eyes.
For just a minute, right before you take your step, close your eyes. I want you to imagine how sexy you look, how calm and confident you are, and then I want you to take a deep breath. Really slow, in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Let all of the anxiety and stress fade away with that breath. Its really easy to do. Breathe deep and relax your body. Focus on how relaxed you are at the moment.
Take a step.
One step. While your eyes are still closed I want you to take one step forward, that’s all. You will find that as soon as you take that first step, 80% of your anxiety melts away. Its just gone! You take that first step, its always the hardest, and get it out of the way while you’re relaxed and your eyes are closed. Open your eyes now, and keep walking towards your target. Don’t creep stare her, but don’t break your gaze. I guess, don’t stare here down but stay gently locked on her.
You’ll find that most of your anxiety about the approach will be gone by the time you get to her and once you open your mouth and deliver your opener (“Hey” works just fine) all of your anxiety will go away and you’re left with just excitement. The rest of the set, you’ll be amped up that you’re actually running game on a girl, you’ll be focusing on your body language, and if your first few approaches were like mine, you’ll be saying to yourself, Holy shit I can’t believe this works!
I blame this on what I call the “Roller Coaster Theory” of life. The line to the roller coaster is long and tense. Everyone is listening to the rumble of the cars on the track, hearing people scream, watching them hurtle at incredible speed through loops and twists and turns. Its scary as fuck! Finally, you get up to the front of the line and they strap you in a car. You still have time to eject and get out of the roller coaster, but you don’t. You stick it out. It starts moving and it takes you up to the top of the first hill.
You’re scared, nervous, sweaty, everything. This is the scariest moment of your life. You are at the top of the hill, there is that two second pause before the first drop, and you have that one thought,
No turning back now.
You’re strapped in, looking over the hill, and there is no going back. You might as well enjoy the ride.
The approach is the exact same. Once you take that first step, its like being at the top of the hill. No turning back!
Enjoy yourself when you run lines on women, its truly the most exciting thing I’ve done in my life and I enjoy every approach, and every set. The worst that happens is you have to open a new set and go home with another woman. What a shame.
Now get out there and get some snatch!
