The Girl Who Wants it All
by Dorothy Marx
I guess that’s what you can call me–the girl who wants, well you know the rest. More like a woman, but what can I say I’m young at heart & manage to effortlessly embrace my old lady ways. Here’s my question, what do you want? Here’s my answer, I want it all.
Dating is Work
It calls for a whole lot of honesty, a good bit of self awareness & a reality check every now and then.
Being the girl who wants it all means you do all of the aforementioned regularly. In a nutshell that’s dating, knowing the ins and outs of you. That to me sounds like some work. In other words, I’ve got some work to do! The good news though is even when I make it seem like I’ve got it together on the man front, on the inside where it counts, I know I don’t. See I’m pretty good at keeping up appearances and since I’m being honest telling people what they want to hear is not exactly something I struggle with. Now let’s not get all judgy instead let’s use this as an opportunity to get real with ourselves.
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Today class, our lesson is all about the all important third date. I had my third date with Mr. Java and through the course of the evening I figured it out. See first dates are awkward & unless you just know you never want to see the person again then for good measure go on a second one. In my case, date number two was way more relaxed. There’s more familiarity so you can be you in a way that a first date might not let you. For example, on this second go round with Mr. Java he was wearing a plain long sleeve shirt in comparison to our first when he had on a button down collared shirt which for me just resonated old man. FYI-he is ten years older than me. You do the math. Date number two started at a coffee shop & ended up with us at his favorite hangout having an afternoon drinky-drink. It was a fancy pants kind of place. Like they didn’t have bottles of booze with highlighter in them, no we’re talking a gin based cocktail menu, herbal garnishments & my taking at least five minutes to decide what to order. Can I throw in the bartender was a hottie? Cool hair, lots of tattoos but oh yeah I’m on a date. One drink, the all important first lip lock & I’m left on the fence. From the looks of things Mr. Java is interested but am I? I don’t know. I do know that I’m confused & that confusion has more to do with my full man plate than him. I get in my car & guess who I get a text from? Big Fun. Like really what’s up with that timing? Men and their shitty timing.
Decision Date
We met in a really cool part of town & there he was waving to me through the window of the restaurant. He’s at the bar, drinking a dirty martini & has saved a seat for yours truly. Dinner gets ordered along with my cocktail. It had been a pretty busy day for both so being able to let go of all of that and just have a good time was the first order of business. We did have a pretty funny exchange concerning Halloween. See this girl right here loves her some Halloween. And when I was discussing him with my bestie, she was the smarty pants who said ask him about it! Yes, one day I would like to be in cute costume coupledom, a girl can dream right? He was an Irish man and I’m not talking the Party City version either. We’re talking legit rented a kilt and coordinating getup from a costume shop. I saw the pictures and everything. Um, so it didn’t really do it for me however he gets major points for just being him, a forty something black man rocking a kilt.
Then we moved to the bar next door for a couple more drinks and this is where things became more “hands on” if you will. It was during the course of these two innocent drinks that I knew. I knew that I liked our dialogue, I liked the way he treated me but I wasn’t feeling it. There I go dropping the f-bomb, feelings. But here I am with this very nice man pawing all over me and I didn’t want to paw all over him. I haven’t exactly figured out how to break this discovery to him.
It does bring to mind something a fellow Singles Warehouse Expert –Single Dating Diva passed along, it goes like this: kiss, kick, kiss. You say two positive things before and after a let down. It was advice on how to respond to a less than appealing online dating candidate but it seems pretty fitting for situations like this. So what’s a girl to do? First things first it’s time for a reality check. There is someone pulling on my heart strings and it’s time to either play beautiful music or cut the damn strings. I feel the latter is inevitable so the question then becomes can I do it? They say the past is a good indicator of future behavior, if we take glance in the rear view mirror that is my love life–this is where I punk out. The thing is this time around I’m the girl who wants it all and that means not being afraid to grab love by the balls and find what I’ve been looking for the whole time, reciprocation. A man who feels everything for me that I feel for him.
To find Mr. Right you’re going to have to give Mr. Maybe a chance. I say give it three dates and on this all important third one—ask yourself, do I want to see this man naked? You have your answer. You know what to do. Now, go do it! And when all else fails & you find yourself where I am–remember this, “That’s the key to having it all: stop expecting it to look like what you thought it was going to look like”
