Badger Wisdom on Putting Out
by Dorothy Marx
I’m posting this comment from Badger before he turns it into a post of his own at The Badger Hut
It’s an excellent companion piece to my last post about when to have sex.
Thoughts from the mind of the Badger, who so far as I can tell introduced the term No Sex Before Monogamy to the HUSverse (stolen from Patty Stanger).
1. The sad issue with “sex only after commitment” is that “commitment” is a misnomer unless it’s marriage. You could land a partner’s “commitment,” and then the sex could suck so bad they dump you and they wouldn’t have done anything wrong (unless they’d agreed to “commitment” in bad faith.)
2. Real calendar time makes a big difference. 6 dates over six weeks with phone calls in between is a lot different than six dates over two weeks with two weekdays and a weekend each week.
3. The right time for a woman is to sleep with a guy as soon as you can after he puts you in his relationship pile, as soon as he starts to think of you as a serious possible girlfriend. Earlier and you’re a slut, wait too much longer than that and he wonders what you are resisting. For some idealistic men that time is the night you meet; for more cynical red-pill men, it takes a bit of time for them to consider making you a girlfriend. Some men demand that sex be tested out before “commitment” is even on the table. Decide which pattern you are comfortable with and screen for those men. It’s pointless to try to change or shame others’ frameworks.
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4. There are those on this board and elsewhere who talk of long waits for sex, months even. It’s not that it’s wrong, it’s just that that is an outlier strategy. The norms of when sex occurs are pretty early today. All but the most hardened alpha harem master will give a virgin woman a wide berth; but beyond that we live in a fast-sex culture, and men made to wait long are going to fade away and find other girls. Maybe it sucks, but that’s the way it is.
5. Following up (4), there is the plain fact that humans don’t usually feel “ready” for something until after they actually are ready. So if you’re waiting for the Sex Fairy to tap you on the shoulder and tell you you’re “ready” to sleep with a guy, you might as well buy a magic 8 ball to do the job. If you’re seriously uncomfortable, don’t go through with it, but sex is not going through a carwash; it’s immensely disruptive emotionally and you’re not going to feel comfortable and peachy keen the whole time. That’s part of the fun of it. Sometimes a little go with the flow is a good thing.
6. Finally, I was thinking about this today – when there’s a good relationship forming, the pressure to speed up the sex is less urgent, because you don’t feel like you better do it or lose the person. My last gf and I didn’t pound for close to two months, and it wasn’t a big deal, because we knew we were laying a long-term groundwork. There wasn’t any pressure for either of us to think “oh man I better go all the way or I’m going to get dumped.”
